Erick Hellwig

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Erick Hellwig is a comedian, actor, writer living in Los Angeles, CA.


Bio not available. Please see alternate bio.

Alternate Bio

After The Sky Fire, Erick Hellwig was raised by a pack of proud and beautiful grey wolves on the outskirts of post-apocalyptic Los Angeles. Silhouetted against the backdrop of a burning city, Erick taught himself how to read, write, and translate Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs. It was the summer of 2086 when he mistakenly awoke the spirit of the Russian Mystic Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin, who turned his wolf-pack to people and Erick to a gargoyle. There he sat, flabbergasted for 17 years, silhouetted against the backdrop of a burning city.

When Rasputin died unexpectedly in a home fire, the curse was released and Erick attended university, or as Canadians call it, "Batman Forever". He taught himself, as all humans were dead, silhouetted against the backdrop of a burning city. He graduated and became a folksy trial lawyer, using his small-town common sense and a banjo to sway wolf-human jurors. This was all before Sky Fire 2, which drowned every man, woman and child in a sea of fire and death.

Erick was on America's Got Talent in 2019.

After Sky Fire 4, a nuclear explosion spliced reality and created an alternate plane of time where Erick was again a folksy trial lawyer. Silhouetted against the backdrop of a burning city, he suffered from gout. The bear-people were perplexed by the quick-lipped, gout footed womanizer winning court cases for the maligned salmon-rabbit population, mortal enemy to the bear-people. A great war erupted; much blood was shed in the name of Erick Hellwig's lawyer tricks, or bear-people language, "Duchovny".

The next sentence of the alternate bio will be completely in bear-people language. Duchovny duchovny duchovny (duchovny).

Resurrected after Air Attack 33, Erick moved to New Alabama City, formerly New York City, Alabama. It had been renamed by his former wolf-pack now transformed into bedazzled packets of expired mustard. The year was 1996, or in Expired Mustard Packet langauge, 1997. Through the often mis-understood art of modern dance, Erick summoned spirits from the grave and re-united them in a glorious number, combining past and present, tears of laughter and joy, and a "Free Meatballz!" campaign where meatballs was intentionally misspelled, silhouetted against the backdrop of a burning city. The dance was called "Smoke Signals from Stalingrad". This was 3 seconds before Duchovney Fire 67 wiped every man woman and child off the face of the earth.

Fun fact: The world is a vampire...

Erick has appeared on MTV as well.

Additional fun fact: Bear-people are very important people, and bear-people bigotry will not be tolerated. Nor will spaces between words, soundgoodyoubearpersonbigotedpieceofshitalsothxforreadingareyoustillreadingyoushouldstopnowbythewayifyoutranslatethiswholesentenceintobearpeoplelanguageitjustreadsandiquoteducho.